A Commericial Break

i cannot stand commercials. they drive me insane. especially if its a show that i really enjoy. it is so frustrating to have to keep watching nonsense while you're waiting to view your program.

talk radio is so obnoxious. it is frustrating really. but there are a handful of shows i really enjoy listening to. they are mike and mike, colin cowherd, hannity and sometimes rush. i'd probably rank them 1. colin, 2. hannity, 3. mike and mike, and 4. rush. i don't listen to rush all that much.

the commercials for these shows are completely ridiculous. hannity in particular is terrible. he'll talk for like 5 minutes and then there will be a 90 second break. after that break he'll come back on and take one phone call and then it will be back to a break. i know this is going to happen because as soon as the caller is on the air he says, "make it quick because we have 60 seconds." i'm like, what? we just got back from a commercial. this is so frustrating when you're driving in the car and just want to hear the point!

top chef does this same thing. top chef is like the American idol but for cooking except that 14 year old girls don't vote for you. the show starts with a "quickfire challenge." whoever wins this mini challenge gets immunity from the real challenge. after the real challenge the judges pick there least favorites. so basically, at the end of the show, the judges talk with the three losers about their performance. then they go to a commercial break. after a commercial break they come back on air for 60-90 seconds. during that time they show the most pointless conversation between the other contestants. it makes no sense at all. then they go back to a commercial. this is so frustrating! why do this? why all the commercials? why on for 2 minutes and off for 1.5 minutes? i just want to know who lost!

i absolutely hate frustration. i cannot stand it. i guess no one really enjoys frustration, do they? do you? i highly doubt it. frustration creates anger. it causes us to lose patience. it stalls us. it prevents us from moving forward. and perhaps the most irritating thing about frustration is not that something annoying is happening, but the fact that the annoyance is keeping us from something.

but isn't that how things really are? would really be that annoyed by the flat tire if we didn't need to be at work in 5 minutes? would we be so fired up if we had 5 hours to get there?

would we really be frustrated with only having $10.00 in our checking account if we didn't have an electric bill for $50.00?

would we really be upset about waiting for the train if we weren't already late for that job interview?

tell me, what is more obnoxious? the cause or the effect? is the train annoying or is being late? is it having little money or not paying the bills? what hurts more? the break up or the fact that you can't be with the one you love any longer? which is worse? the infidelity or the trust you no longer have?

its just so frustrating for a goal to be stalled. it is so frustrating for your relationship to come to a hault. it is so frustrating to be kept from something. it feels like you're excluded. it feels like you're missing something. you feel left out, don't you? and this feels miserable.

and as i observe, reflect, pursue, discern, analyze, and attempt to consider God's feelings, i think he experiences so much more pain and frustration than i could ever imagine. i believe this is so true because he is so desperate to have a fulfilling relationship with me - and I keep sending him on this revolving commercial break - and occasionally i'll come back to him to spend 90 seconds on the most useless, pointless, junk that matters not.

i am one freakin interruption after another. a constant commercial break. i'll be on with God for 5 minutes, and then will take a 90 second break. 2 or 3 months of great relationship growth with him, and then 6 weeks of nothing. then i will feel bad and come back to him for a feeble 2 weeks before i lose interest.

think about the heartache. think about how God must feel. think about the disappointment. i would venture to say that it hurts God that I am away, but hurts God even more that he is missing time spent with me. i know God is furious with some of my actions - but i believe God is saddened, disheartened, and depressed by my absence.

if only I could be strong. if only my life was like a DVD with no commercials. if only i could be true to God. if I wasn't so weak. if i wasn't so selfish. if i tried harder. if I cared more. if i was steadier. if I didn't hurt God. if I was more consistent. then maybe I could give him the relationship he desires and deserves. then maybe i could stop being so frustrating.