We Are Moving Forward

Generosity

2009-09-22T11:48:00.000-07:00

"The way to transcend a corrupt system is through generosity - giving, not holding back." - McLaren

the sixth grade was a very interesting year for me. actually, it wasn't that great of a year for me at all. i was still fat and my voice had not really changed much and i was just a funny looking kid. i really wanted to be popular - but really i just wanted people to like me. which is interesting because other than my sixth and some of my seventh grade years, that has never been a problem for me.

but that first year of middle school was. and for some reason, this one kid named ryan - who certainly was not superior in terms of looks, abilities, or social class - thought i would be his target of abuse. really, i was not hurt. mainly because i realized the equal status between us. i knew that i was not inferior - in any way. to be honest, i thought he was a weasel.

but it got annoying. and it dug in. and slowly it began affecting me. not in a way that caused me to become depressed - but in a way that i began to subconsciously question my confidence. this went on for an entire year. until the last week of school. ryan would push me and make some stupid comment like, "you're slow fatso..." or something ridiculous. and something inside me went off. after he pushed me, i grabbed his arm, put him in a head lock, and kneed him in the face.

now for years, i have felt good about that. i have always had the ability to maintain my calm (except in football games) but was proud that i showed ryan i was not inferior. but recently i just got "checked" on my attitude about this. read what jesus says:

“You have heard the law that says the punishment must match the injury: ‘An eye for an eye, and a tooth for a tooth.’ But I say, do not resist an evil person! If someone slaps you on the right cheek, offer the other cheek also. If you are sued in court and your shirt is taken from you, give your coat, too. If a soldier demands that you carry his gear for a mile, carry it two miles. Give to those who ask, and don’t turn away from those who want to borrow." (Matthew 5:38-42 NLT)

this is one of those verses i have always overlooked and explained away. i would read this verse, agree with it, and then say, "well, its good not to have revenge, but you can't just let someone walk all over you." this was precisely the attitude i had with ryan, and specifically the reason why i finally decided to oppose him. and it was in that decision to act i realize that i simply moved to the weakness of being a pushover to the weakness of being an oppressor like my enemy.

in that instant, i became - regardless of whether or not he deserved it - just like him.

if someone ridicules you or slaps you across the cheek, they are belittling you. they are in a position where they feel you are inferior to them. and you have some options. you could retaliate. but by doing this you become an oppressor just like them. or you could walk away in cowardice; afraid and embarrassed with little dignity left.

or you could go with option three and turn so they can strike you with their fist on your other cheek. but why would you ever do that? that is so ridiculous.

i've always thought that. but it actually takes strength to do such a thing and it also does something even more important: it exposes the true violent nature of your oppressor. you will not be frail or inferior in that position, but rather will display strength and stability and your resistance to violent retaliation will allow you to rise above the weakness of your enemy.

i am reading an excellent book by Brian McLaren called, "The Secret Message Of Jesus." here is an excerpt:

"Similarly, if someone takes you to court - as rich landowners would often do to poor peasants who had gotten in debt - and they want your outer garment, Jesus says to strip down naked and give them your underwear as well! Your 'generosity' leaves you defenseless and exposed - but in a sense, your exposure exposes the naked greed and cruelty of your oppressors. . . Or if someone forces you to carry his pack a mile - which a Roman soldier could do to any Jew - by willingly taking the pack a second mile, you show yourself a generous human being, strong, self-controlled, dignified, not dominated. The first mile may be forced, but the second mile, you walk free - transcending your oppression. The way to transcend a corrupt system is through generosity - giving, not hold back." (page 126)

for so long i have felt justifiably vindicated from that situation with ryan, but after much reflection and consideration i have come realize how weak and vulnerable i actually was.

how could i have reacted better? what would i have done?

i am not exactly sure what i would have done differently. perhaps i would have done the exact same thing. i am not sure i would have gathered up enough courage to do what jesus says. but if i could have done that, i would. and i know ryan would be exposed for what he really was.

Back

2009-08-27T08:15:00.001-07:00

it has been forever long since i have been on here. too much has gone on since then! lets see...where to begin?

i shared a few stories from africa. i still am in amazement about that trip. God is too good. forever my life will be changed by what i saw, experienced, and felt while i was there.

we found out we were having a little girl. that is exciting. we're going to name her Norah Grace. i am hoping she is like her mom and not like me! well - i hope she has a little bit of me :)

i was in Ukraine for a little over 2 weeks. end of july and beginning of august. that was an awesome trip as well. i took a team of 10 people over to help out at a camp. it rocked. it really did. such a good time.

things are settling down for a while - so i am hoping to get back into the groove of writing. it is too therapeutic to neglect. so lets stay connected.

Funny Story

2009-04-22T06:31:00.000-07:00

pretty cool picture, huh? that "little" baboon thought it was so smart and so clever. that bench is overlooking a gorgeous view of the ocean. it is at a place called "Simon's Town" on the Peninsula of Cape Town. apparently, baboons reside there.

this is what is so interesting about Cape Town. it is a pretty major city. great downtown. lots of buildings. lots of businesses. very metropolitan. very developed and industrialized. and then there are baboons. funny isn't it?

so my brother in law (actually, my sister in law's husband) and i were stay with my wife's aunt in Cape Town. she lives in an area called Clovelly. she is a tour guide by profession and loves to show people around. so one saturday she took us to see the South African Penguins and the Cape of Good Hope. after we left the penguins, we drove through Simon's Town where we saw all these baboons running around. so we pulled in front of a parked car, and my wife's aunt pulled in front of us. we are sitting there for a moment, when we see a HUGE alpha male baboon run to the car behind us, open the door, and jump in. luckily, there was no one in the car. so big guy baboon grabs what must be a back of food for a picnic and drops it outside the car where girlfriend and baby baboon come over and start eating. big guy baboon wasn't going anywhere. he was enjoying the back seat of the car. so my aunt goes up to the owner of the car and tells him to take off his belt and wave it around because it'll look like a snake and baboons are terrified of snakes. so he went to the back window and took off his belt and shook it around. sure enough - in a second, the baboon flipped out, and took off out of the car.

this is where it gets very interesting. because the only thing we can figure out, is that the baboon "knew" my aunt had told the guy how to scare him out. as soon as the baboon got out of the car it took off straight for my aunt. and it was at that moment, my aunt describes, that the baboon made eye contact with her for a split second. and so the baboon charged at her to attack her. my aunt turned around to run away, and as she did so, the baboon jumped at her. luckily, her moment was moving away from the baboon, so he did not knock her over. but he scratched her across the back. she is lucky she turned around, because if she had been face forward, it would have indicated an aggressive, attack position, and it could have been deadly. baboons have massive fangs for teeth. they are huge.

lucky she got away with only a few scratches. but this all happened in about .5 seconds. from the time the baboon saw the belt to the time he attached my aunt and ran away. it was insane! it happened so fast i wasn't sure it really took place.

Africa provides such wonderful stories!

Perspective Is Everything

2009-04-17T09:46:00.000-07:00

one of my favorite things to say is, "perspective is everything." i believe it completely. i truly believe that perspective IS everything. perspective explains what your world view is. your world view is an indication of your heart - what matters and what doesn't matter.

and that is the reason why we have issues. isn't it? you see things up. i see things down. we see things differently. "A" is really important to you. therefore, you see things this way. well, "B" is really important to me. that is why i think you are wrong and i am right. because "B" is so important, it only makes sense, that my point of view is correct. because i am going to make decisions based upon my values. what i deem to be worth while, i put my energy towards. this is very simple. it can also be subconscious. i think sometimes we don't realize that when we make decisions - an attitude for example - we are really expressing our beliefs, our world view - our perspective. and that is why i believe what i do. perspective is everything.

cape town is such an interesting city. i wrote yesterday how it is "Heavenly." i believe it is. it is sensational. perhaps one of the best places on earth. but what makes it so interesting, is NOT just the fact that it is an amazing place. cape town is a world wide tourist destination. hollywood stars are flocking there. while i was visiting, matt damon was living there, and apparently oprah winfrey was throwing a party there too (not sure if the latter is true :-). but while it is a place of riches and beauty, it is also a place of poverty, abuse, sin, and need. and when i say poverty and poor - i mean it. i am talking about people in desperate, desperate, need.

and what is MOST interesting, is the gap between the two. cape town is a place of extremes. i saw very very little middle class. it was extreme riches and extreme poverty. this is very different than the make up of the states - which has the majority in the "middle class" range. it really felt like you were either rich or poor there. and the poor are very very poor.

but it was perspective that impacted me. we stayed in Hout Bay (a nice, wealthy, affluent community) and drove to Khayelitsha (a poor, massive township) several times during the trip. it was in Khayelitsha when it dawned on me how important perspective was. that is where i caught this image. this is a picture of happy little kids running around and playing with each other. they were enjoying one another and rolling their tires all over the place having a ball. i asked the kids to quickly gather together so i could get their photo. because i wanted everyone to see it. these kids live in a community of extreme poverty. but the smiles on their faces and their cheerful presence shows what they value: one another.

americans could learn a lot from these kids. where is our perspective in the middle of this terrible "recession?" how many of us are really about to be homeless? do we not have enough stuff to sell to make ends meet? do we not have enough family and friends to care for us in need? does this all even matter? i mean, really? what is your perspective? are you really in need? what matters to you?

Back In The States

2009-04-16T12:18:00.000-07:00

i am back. i spent about two weeks in the beautiful city of Cape Town, South Africa. it is simply wonderful there. beautiful beaches. bright and fun downtown. a gorgeous waterfront. huge mountains. animals. the ocean.

it is very close to what i think Heaven will be like.

over the next few weeks, you'll be going on a little adventure with me. i want to relive my South African experience with you - with pictures and stories and lessons learned while i was there. minute by minute, and day after day, i had moments like this little girl. times when i was caught up in the moment and overjoyed by what God was doing in that city, country, and people. i am so excited to tell you all about it - and for you to get to see all that i saw while i was away.

it is good to be back. hope all is well.

I Am Going To Be A Dad

2009-03-25T10:32:00.000-07:00

i am going to be a dad. weird huh? actually its exciting. talk about change. big change. initially, my wife and i were shocked. we were completely not expecting the news. before we knew for sure that we were pregnant, i was sensing it. i could sort of just tell. you know what i mean? when you live with a person every day you begin to pick up on anything different. i think that is really cool.

but we are so excited and are gearing up for this wonderful addition to our lives. we have no idea what it is going to be like. i suppose that is why everyone says you are never really ready. but now i have all these questions. is our baby a boy or a girl? do i WANT a boy or a girl? (boys are fun. girls are sweet). what will he or she be like? will he look like me? will she look like my wife? my blue eyes or Leigh's green eyes?

i would LOVE to have a daughter that looks like my friend Isa. except that neither Leigh nor I have any latino in us. but Isa is the bomb. she is sweet and fun. so she makes me want to have a girl. if we have a girl, we really like the name Norah Grace. but if we have a boy, we really like the name Brady. i think a boy would be fun because then we can watch the patriots together.

to be honest, i'd been hoping for twin boys. i think that would be the bomb. but it looks like we'll just be having one to start. i suppose that should be the easiest transition for our family. but then again, to go from zero to two, we wouldn't know if its any harder than just one. i guess God has his plan and he'll give us whatever kid he wants.

here is the question. what do you think? are we having a boy or a girl?

Simple and Specific

2009-03-04T07:45:00.000-08:00

i'm not going to apologize about the length of my previous post and then write just as long in this one. so i am sorry for how long the last piece was and promise to just get to the point.

something so interesting happened. my wife and i experienced a wonderful blessing the other day.

we're taking this financial course to help get our lives in line. save money, reduce debt, and prepare for the future. so we have been implementing these principles into our lives and our spending habits. and one principle this course has shared was going back to the old fashion cash envelope system for certain budgetary items to help prevent overspending. but in order to make this work, you have to be stubbornly disciplined - otherwise your budget won't balance out.

so we budgeted $150.00 for groceries for this first pay period. we planned to spend $80.00 the first week and $70.00 the second because there were a few personal care items (conditioner and toothpaste) that we needed to purchase. so we head into wal-mart with $80.00 cash. that is it. we calculate every single item as we go down the aisle. we finish and the grand total was $75.55 - with milk and granola still to be purchased. we were going to buy milk at rite-aid because its cheaper, and granola at another grocery store because they have good stuff there :).

we go to rite aid and buy milk. and now we only have like $2.50 left. so leigh and i decide to can the granola idea because we know that it is more like $3.75. it is really good granola. but we must stay accountable and NOT go overbudget. just for once. we can't do it. so we just decide to be ok with frosted shredded wheat each morning for breakfast.

last night we go to our marriage class with three other couples. when we leave, our leaders hand each of us a bag of home made granola for us to enjoy. inside i was floored. God came through when he didn't need to.

so simple and so specific. the hand of God is in all things. he blesses accountablity and responsibility.

granola. so simple and so specific. and that is why i love God.

Is "It" Everything?

2009-02-19T12:45:00.000-08:00

i apologize for the length of my last post. i sincerely don't mean to bore you. i hope that i don't. actually, i am confident that i don't. i am sure that i am very entertaining. i would accept amusing. but i'll take what i can get. i understand i have an ego. you don't need to tell me.

there is this process i go through. i mean the process of writing. i do not consider myself even a novice at writing. if my writing and communication were a snowboarding hill, i wouldn't even be on the bunny hill. you know what i mean? like, i'd be on bump with the skiers who are learning to plow. haha. i get it. even with my ego, i am a realist. and realize where i stand in the grand scheme of things.

but you know how things go? one things leads to another. or you sit and bask in the thought of something divine or larger or more profound than yourself. you have this insight that leads you to more insight that leads to understanding that leads to questions which lead to answers - and suddenly you realize you just took this journey.

like LOST. and i insist on the spelling. it isn't lost. or Lost. it has earned the all caps title of, "LOST." in fact, if you watch the show, its called LOST. i recently hammered someone on facebook for this mistake. and i'm grudgingly feeling convicted about it too. tangent. sorry.

but this journey is like LOST. you start on the island. and the truth - slowly but surely - begins to reveal itself. and then suddenly, after 5 seasons of dedication, research, and mind-blowing theories, you realize you are so far away from where you began, but know that it was completely, and utterly necessary. though you may not comprehend it all, there is a deeper and more profound understanding that has developed within you as you relate with the characters in the story.

it is so interesting in the story and life of LOST - which has such a cult underground following - how one thing leads to another. or perhaps a better way of explaining it, how one thing was led by the other. as time goes on - or goes back - we begin to discover more and more information to lead us back to the beginning. but the point of LOST is the journey.

my wife and i have a pretty specific schedule in the morning. her alarm goes off. she gets up. does whatever it is she does in the hour before my alarm goes off. then i get up. do my thing. shower, eat, brush, etc. . .watch saved by the bell, etc. . . warm up the car, and then go. . . .

yesterday, she let the alarm go. and she slept in an extra hour until my alarm went off. and it is so interesting how the rest of the day was different because of that one decision. we tried getting ready simultaneously which doesn't work because of the small size of our bathroom. we got out of the door late - which is pretty consistent for her - and she dropped me off at work. as i walked into my office, my phone rings, and it is my wife telling me she left her keys at home. so i take car and house key off my lanyard and give it to her in the parking lot. then she went home with my keys. so when she got home she had both set of car/house keys.

then she picked me up and we went to panera for dinner. we used her keys because she had found them and left mine at home. we get out of the car at panera, i put my key chain in my left pocket because that is where they stay, and put her keys in my right pocket because i didn't want to carry them. then we eat. then we leave panera. i walk out, and pull my keys out of my left pocket. and then it dawns on me that my car/house keys aren't there. so i say, "where are yours?" (obviously forgetting that i had put hers in my right pocket to avoid carrying them). and then she begins looking in her purse and has a split second of panic as she realizes she can't find them. and then i finally realize i had them in my right pocket. problem solved.

then this morning, when i go to warm up the car 5 minutes before leaving - because this is what i do every morning before work - i grab her keys, because they are on the counter next to the microwave where i put MY car/house keys every day after work. the car warms up and we drive to work. i realize half way to work that i do not have MY keys because they are at home hanging up (because that is where my wife HAS to have them). but i do not have MY keys because i didn't realized i picked up HER keys to start the car. since i didn't have my keys, i couldn't get into my office, etc. . .

isn't interesting how one thing led to another? yesterday my wife ignored her alarm, and today i am driving to work without my keys. such an interesting journey isn't it? from point A to point B.

i have been on a journey folks. as i reflect on my last point - discussing being a poor follower of christ and realizing that my relationship with christ is similar to the love relationship between me and my wife - i realize how up and down and side to side i am. there is this path of understanding and relational development that i am on, and i am nowhere near where i was last week.

one thing has led to another.

i am still contemplating the meaning of being a true disciple. but as the days turn into weeks and time progresses, i realize how deeply involved it is to truly be a disciple. my understanding and comprehension of this topic has grown and shifted immensely recently. it began with that yearning question of, "is it the real thing?" which i realized is wrong to begin with. it then led to the question, "am i being the real thing?"

and how i realize - at least for today - that the question is, "is it everything?" and by, "it" i mean, being a disciple. is, "being a disciple, everything to me?" its the burning question inside me. i feel in so many ways that i am going to explode. i believe sincerely that there is a violent creature inside me that is waiting to be unleashed - in a good way though. wesley says that if you set yourself on fire, people will come to watch you burn. and i feel in so many ways, there is this small candle lit inside me desperately waiting for a semi truck full of fuel to spew its contents all over me.

and i realize that discipleship has to be everything to me. it has to completely consume me. it cannot just spill out of me. it has to overtake me from the inside out. it cannot be the overflow of my heart. it has to be my heart. my life cannot simply resemble the life of christ - it must be the life of Christ. it has to be everything.

it must.

Is It The Real Thing?

2009-01-27T20:05:00.001-08:00

i am sitting here on our comfy couch. i do that a lot. but this is great. i'm surfing the Internet - doing some research on macs. i love macs. i am one of them. i've got NFL network on which has the 2002 superbowl between the pats/rams. this is the life. i am basking in the goodness of the patriots. it feels so sweet. i am happy.

i know i know. the patriots are done for the year. we've been done for quite a while. did i tell you about my trip to visit family in new england? it was a great trip. but it was a long trip - which means something bad was sure to happen with the patriots. it just happens that way. remember everything i've told you? superbowl? pats loss to miami? uhhh. so dreadful.

my brother and sister in law were in town the week of the last game of the year. we all sat around the TV watching the patriots shutout the bills. it felt so good. it felt so pure. we had a 13 hour trip ahead of us - but we were not going to leave before we knew the conclusion of the game. with 2 minutes left, a 13 point lead, and possession of the ball, i felt comfortable to leave. so we did. but there was so much left in store for the pats that day. we needed miami OR baltimore to lose. neither did. they both won. brett the jet let me down. i was stuck on interstate 90 when i heard the news. it was miserable. it just sucked. needless to say, i was just in a terrible terrible mood. we didn't get to the family's house until 4 am. my wife and i were exhausted.

we need we would be. we had it coming. we could have left right after church at 12:30. instead, we watched the game and left at like 3:30. its just the way it is.

but they are my team. i am going to follow them. thick or thin. i have to. i love them. i read about them - everyday. i check espn.com constantly for updates. i check patriots.com and boston.com and the herald daily. i shift my weekly schedule to watch their games. i am dedicated to following them. i love it.

i suppose this is just the way i am. i've been like this for quite a while. and i like to think this is what separates me from the normal fan. i am loyal. i am sincere. and i am hardcore. my love for the patriots is what fuels this behavior which could be defined by some as a sort of strict religiosity. but i am also a purist. you can only be a fan of one team. what i mean is, i can't be a patriots fan and also a chiefs fan. i can't love new england and also follow the bucs. it just doesn't work that way. you can only be a fan of one team.

but my point is that i will do anything to follow this team. i will sacrifice to be a part of the game. i love it.

i know that i go on and on and on. about the patriots and really about everything. my blogs get to be long. i am sorry. but i shock myself. really, i do. i am crazy in love with my team and am a passionate follower of the pats.

you know how sometimes God is working and seems to be hitting you with a theme over and over? sometimes you see it in relationships. sometimes you see it in the world or in the news. sometimes he tells you - yes verbally. sometimes you read it. sometimes you read it multiple times and in various places. i tend to not realize it right away and so he has to used a number of various resources to get my attention.

but here is what I have come up with: i am such a weak follower of christ. now to be honest, i've been struggling as to finish this post, let alone publish it. i've become such a downer. i can't really remember the last positive thing i've said in any of my blogs. but the point is, i'm finding growth in areas that i am recognizing as weaknesses.

this whole concept of dedication is interesting. i've really been searching and digging and praying about this whole idea of following. how do i measure up?

honestly, i am such a weak follower of christ.

sometimes it is almost disgusting. my lack of commitment. my dedication is pathetic. the comparison between the patriots and christ isn't even close.

i am afraid i am a bit of a coward.

what does it mean to be a true follower? what is the "real thing?" i am reminded of that feeling and emotion and question you get when you first think that you may be in love. "how do i know this is real?" or, "is he or she the one?" or "how can I be sure?" soo interesting. soo soo interesting.

but that is the point. isn't it? truly, it is a love relationship. i recently said this in a worship service - and i feel the need to repeat it - take what I say about love and marriage lightly. i've only been hitched for like a year and a half. but perhaps there are still insights here that should be considered.

but the christ/believer relationship IS very similar to that of a man a his lover. i mean that is the example we are given, right? but what i HAVE learned in my one and a half years of wedded bliss, is that those questions never seem to stop. in fact, it is a constant loop - a recurring theme. like i always ask myself, "is this the real thing?" referring, of course, to the LOVE between me and my wife.

my point, though, is not that i am doubting. my point is that this is fully necessary, and that there is a journey we must take, answers that must be had, and realizations to be discovered that lead us to the understanding that the "real thing" must constantly be worked out. it bends. it flows. yes, i did say it bends. but it does not brake. but the point is that it is constant work.

perhaps, "is this the real thing" is the wrong question. maybe the right question is, "am i being the real thing." that is why there is ebb and flow in my relationship with my wife. honestly, sometimes i am not good to her. i try to be. and to be real - often it is still "wedded bliss," and i love it.

the same is true with christ and myself. oh how i long for the feeling of wedded bliss i once had with my savior. but the lack of feeling, emotion, and blessings cannot and should not change the answer to the question, "am i being the real thing?" that is, am i being a real follower? like the love relationship with my wife, christ must be a constant pursuit. the desire and affection of my heart.

I Don't Know What To Say

2009-01-22T12:16:00.000-08:00

i am not exactly sure what to say right now. which is totally strange. it is a very uncomfortable feeling. you know what i mean? nobody likes this feeling. i think its because we are out of descriptions. we cannot communicate exactly what is churning within us. you want to express something. but how? you want someone to hear you. but how can you when you have nothing to say?

i struggle just to communicate this basic truth. i hate having nothing to say.

many who know me would find this difficult to believe - well, the fact that i don't know what to say. i can be a blabbermouth. its true. i can't help it. i'm quick. it just comes out. i never have issues telling it like it is. for the most part, i am ok with offending people. to be clear, i don't try to offend people - but if it is necessary, i'm ok with it.

my point is that i never feel like this. ever. honestly, i don't. i sincerely cannot remember the last time i had nothing to say. worse, i can't remember the last time i was unable to describe the whirlwind of emotions scattered throughout my being. it isn't good. it feels uncomfortable. it feels insecure. i feel helpless. i guess, i just feel sad.

its different with good things, right? you know what i mean? when you look at something so beautiful and you can't describe it. like at your wedding. when my wife was walking down the aisle, i had nothing to say. but i knew. and at least i could smile. i could react. maybe nobody heard me talking, but i was saying something.

or when your favorite wide receiver catches a bomb and suddenly your team takes the lead with 5 seconds left. you're shocked. you're in disbelief. its amazing. you don't know what to say, but at least you can shout. you can jump up and down and shake your fists. you can smile and scream at your buddy. you may not be talking intelligibly, but you're being heard.

but that isn't how i feel. i can't just hang my head. because that doesn't feel right. i can't sulk. that isn't enough. it doesn't accurately express the emotions.

i lost a friend. someone who i grew up with. someone who me and my buddies spent a lot of time with in school. tragically he died. it had been a really long time since i had been in contact with him before his passing. perhaps that is part of my issue.

i am not in reality right now. i think that helps me describe to you where i am at. i am trying to avoid this surreal atmosphere, but i cannot. i just don't know. i don't know what to say. i have a loss. i have a deep emptiness. i have this strange combination of emotions stirring inside of me that is creating this uncomfortable and mysterious ingredient i can't seem to put my finger on - like a flavor you can't quite figure out in a new dish. does that make sense? do you get where i am at?

so i pray. and nothing really comes out. but i pray. i don't know what to pray - but luckily God takes care of that form me. i think and i process and i attempt to move forward and i heal. and that's how this works. i guess its ok that i have nothing. perhaps that is exactly what God intends for me in this time. i've tried and tried, but sincerely, honestly, i don't know what to say.

Whatever It Takes

2009-01-01T07:13:00.000-08:00

it was very very interesting this morning when i logged into my blog and took a look at my dashboard. on my dashboard i'm able to take a quick look at all the blogs i like to read. the first line or two of all my blogs read something like this, "Soooo, it has been a while since i've written anything." or "I am sorry to all my readers." something of that sort. i find this very funny. its funny because these statements are assuming that people are really wanting to read their blogs. like, "Please please add something! i miss reading! i want to hear from you! I need to hear from you! I am your fan!" its just funny. i am the same way though. i like to think i have fans. but even if no one read my blog, i'd still be convinced that i have the best blog. but i recognize that i have a big ego.

but i find it interesting when people get busy and take time off their blogs (like me). i mean, people set up blogs to communicate (like myself). they may have a very specific purpose or content they want to communicate. for example, someone may start a blog because they want their voice to be heard on a specific topic - like politics or poverty or animal/women's rights or whatever the case may be. i just find it funny that, given the fact that having your voice heard is so important, it is easy to just take time off or submit to the busyness of life. this is how i am.

with all of that said....it has been a while since I have posted. i have been very very busy. december is extremely busy for me with work. we have had family visiting. i am writing on vacation visiting family. there have been multiple christmas parties and get togethers. there have been meetings. blah blah blah. there have been a number of various things to divert my attention from writing on this puny little blog (that I am convinced millions read even though StatTracker tells me otherwise).

and want to know what is even more funny? i have visited this blog almost daily. i cannot tell you the number of times i have sat down before my computer, logged into my account, and stared at my dashboard contemplating hitting "New Post." it has definitely been a while and i have definitely knowingly put this off. everyday i've told myself, "i need to write a new post. i need to get on my blog." but stuff came up and i submitted to the work around me.

the other day i went into the gym to work out. i've been running stairs which is just miserable. i worked out so hard that i literally could not see straight. believe me, i understand this is a bit extreme. but I must do this. i've mentioned several times about my passion for working out. i'm a desperately competitive person. but the point is that i recognized a need (to take care of my fat belly) and decided in my heart and in my mind that i was going to do something about it. and that is where i am today. nothing and i mean nothing will get in my way of achieving my desired results. i take this very very seriously. when i go to the gym, i want to sweat. i want to be pouring with sweat. i work out until i feel as though i will vomit. if i don't have that sick feeling i haven't worked hard enough. i will do whatever it takes and i must do whatever it takes.

blogging isn't the most important thing in my life. but i like doing it. i enjoy doing it. i think it is very valuable to my growth. but more importantly, i resolved in my heart to blog. i decided it would help me move forward and decided to blog consistently. taking time off because of busyness shows me my lack of dedication.

i've always thought the same things are indicators of the big things. you know. its like they say God won't trust you with the big until you've proven yourself with the small. its all along the same lines. blogging isn't a big deal. but my situation is concerning. i can't even take a small thing like writing in my blog weekly seriously enough to make it happen.

it makes us ask this question: how badly do we want something? how important is something to us? if something is desperately important to us we will do whatever it takes to see it through. and we must.

there is this very small story in the acts of the apostles that has really changed my life. paul has this dream of a man from macedonia. in this dream the man begs and pleads with paul to come to macedonia and help them. so paul, luke, and everyone with them, got up the next morning and left for macedonia because they had resolved in their heart that is what God was calling them to do.

here is my question. where is your macedonia? who is your macedonia? what is your macedonia? what is the resolve in your heart? is it africa? is it children? is it abused women? is it the hungry men who live on the streets? is it the uneducated? is it downtown? is it the rural familes? what is your macedonia? what is the resolve in your heart?

what are you going to do about it? and how seriously are you going to take this resolve in your heart? are you going to take it on in your free time? or are you going to do whatever it takes to see it through? you won't get free time. you must create it. you must make it. you must give things up and make it happen. you must sweat and work so hard it makes you sick.

when God gives you a task, and you have resolved in your heart about something, we must be moved to action. we must be changed and spurred to move forward. we must get up the next morning and go. we must do whatever it takes to see it through.

A Commericial Break

2008-12-10T12:03:00.000-08:00

i cannot stand commercials. they drive me insane. especially if its a show that i really enjoy. it is so frustrating to have to keep watching nonsense while you're waiting to view your program.

talk radio is so obnoxious. it is frustrating really. but there are a handful of shows i really enjoy listening to. they are mike and mike, colin cowherd, hannity and sometimes rush. i'd probably rank them 1. colin, 2. hannity, 3. mike and mike, and 4. rush. i don't listen to rush all that much.

the commercials for these shows are completely ridiculous. hannity in particular is terrible. he'll talk for like 5 minutes and then there will be a 90 second break. after that break he'll come back on and take one phone call and then it will be back to a break. i know this is going to happen because as soon as the caller is on the air he says, "make it quick because we have 60 seconds." i'm like, what? we just got back from a commercial. this is so frustrating when you're driving in the car and just want to hear the point!

top chef does this same thing. top chef is like the American idol but for cooking except that 14 year old girls don't vote for you. the show starts with a "quickfire challenge." whoever wins this mini challenge gets immunity from the real challenge. after the real challenge the judges pick there least favorites. so basically, at the end of the show, the judges talk with the three losers about their performance. then they go to a commercial break. after a commercial break they come back on air for 60-90 seconds. during that time they show the most pointless conversation between the other contestants. it makes no sense at all. then they go back to a commercial. this is so frustrating! why do this? why all the commercials? why on for 2 minutes and off for 1.5 minutes? i just want to know who lost!

i absolutely hate frustration. i cannot stand it. i guess no one really enjoys frustration, do they? do you? i highly doubt it. frustration creates anger. it causes us to lose patience. it stalls us. it prevents us from moving forward. and perhaps the most irritating thing about frustration is not that something annoying is happening, but the fact that the annoyance is keeping us from something.

but isn't that how things really are? would really be that annoyed by the flat tire if we didn't need to be at work in 5 minutes? would we be so fired up if we had 5 hours to get there?

would we really be frustrated with only having $10.00 in our checking account if we didn't have an electric bill for $50.00?

would we really be upset about waiting for the train if we weren't already late for that job interview?

tell me, what is more obnoxious? the cause or the effect? is the train annoying or is being late? is it having little money or not paying the bills? what hurts more? the break up or the fact that you can't be with the one you love any longer? which is worse? the infidelity or the trust you no longer have?

its just so frustrating for a goal to be stalled. it is so frustrating for your relationship to come to a hault. it is so frustrating to be kept from something. it feels like you're excluded. it feels like you're missing something. you feel left out, don't you? and this feels miserable.

and as i observe, reflect, pursue, discern, analyze, and attempt to consider God's feelings, i think he experiences so much more pain and frustration than i could ever imagine. i believe this is so true because he is so desperate to have a fulfilling relationship with me - and I keep sending him on this revolving commercial break - and occasionally i'll come back to him to spend 90 seconds on the most useless, pointless, junk that matters not.

i am one freakin interruption after another. a constant commercial break. i'll be on with God for 5 minutes, and then will take a 90 second break. 2 or 3 months of great relationship growth with him, and then 6 weeks of nothing. then i will feel bad and come back to him for a feeble 2 weeks before i lose interest.

think about the heartache. think about how God must feel. think about the disappointment. i would venture to say that it hurts God that I am away, but hurts God even more that he is missing time spent with me. i know God is furious with some of my actions - but i believe God is saddened, disheartened, and depressed by my absence.

if only I could be strong. if only my life was like a DVD with no commercials. if only i could be true to God. if I wasn't so weak. if i wasn't so selfish. if i tried harder. if I cared more. if i was steadier. if I didn't hurt God. if I was more consistent. then maybe I could give him the relationship he desires and deserves. then maybe i could stop being so frustrating.

My Temper

2008-12-01T18:52:00.000-08:00

for the most part i am a level headed person. i can handle criticism. i can handle conflict. and it really takes a lot for me to get heated. i've never been a short tempered person. growing up my brother always was. i actually found humor in it -which is a dangerous combination. you have no idea how angry i could make him. my sister did it too. man we could get him fired up. i remember once he got so mad he was bright red with rage and stuck his whole hand and arm through the wall. i thought he was crazy then. now I think its funny.

i don't really think that I am that way. if someone is furious with me and slanders my name - i can handle that. that is fine. but for some reason it is a very different story with sports. i have become so unbelievably competitive that i just get fired up beyond belief. i play dodge ball in the city league and have found myself more angry than i can comprehend. the biggest thing is when the other team cheats. i absolutely cannot stand it. you'd be shocked at some of the things teams try to get away with. i was shocked. and that is why i nearly found myself in a number of fistfights with a bunch of adult men throwing balls at one another.

ya know, i can remember specifically the last two times i have been furious. it always seems to be that the patriots seem to lose an important game immediately before i have to take a long trip in the car. when the pats lost the superbowl i was devastated. i was shocked. literally, i almost cried. i was furious. for hours - and i mean hours - i could not calm my heartbeat. and the next morning i had to get up and drive from minnesota back to ohio. it was about 12 hours. it was the longest 12 hours of my life. (by the way, this capped off a great week with family and my sister in law's wedding.) i was completely stunned.

the second time, and most recent, was when the patriots lost - in embarrassing fashion - to the miami dolphins. i was sitting in my brother's living room (the one who used to have the temper) with my wife and his wife watching the game. as each second passed, i felt my pulse begin to race faster and faster. finally, i couldn't handle it anymore and my wife and I decided to pack up and leave with 5 or 6 minutes to go in the 4th quarter. i just couldn't stand it. (this by the way, concluded a lovely family vacation at the beach). but I had to leave. i was completely shocked by what I saw.

maybe that is what fuels my anger. perhaps i cannot stand what i consider to be shocking. i cannot stand the fact that someone would say they didn't get hit by a ball, when it bounced right off their face. i cannot comprehend how the patriots lost. i just don't get it. honestly. i'm getting fired up just typing this.

but you get me, right? you understand what i am say? i mean, i hope you do. when someone is so clearly wrong. its shocking? its shocking when somingething is so clearly off. and the shock drives us crazy.

i recently came across a website which evokes this same kind of emotion. check this out: http://globalrichlist.com/. this will take your salary and tell you how rich you are compared to the entire world. this website should shock you. it shocked me. take a second right now and look at it.

ok. to americans, i don't make a ton of money. i'm conservative enough to not reveal my salary to anyone. privacy, whatever. but i will say this - my salary is between the top 1-10% of the entire world. in fact - it is significantly better than 10%. i know my salary. believe me - i do not make much money. this is crazy. this is shocking.

just for fun, plug in random salaries. lets see how the numbers line up. a person who makes $75,000, would be in the top .82% of the entire world! crazy! lets go low. check this out: a person who makes $10,000 is in the top 13.31% of the world! 10k, and you still make more than 75% of the world population?

a little lower now. lets say you make a terrible salary of $5k. that's only about $415.00/month. if you make that tiny salary, you are still in the top 14% of the world. you would only have to make 850 dollar annually, to be right at the 50% mark.

let me ask you something. does this shock you? shouldn't this shock you? shouldn't this anger you?

i think the thing that shocks me the most, is that we - you and I - are not doing anything to take care of this problem. we think we are. the church thinks it is. but we're not. let us be honest with ourselves - we don't do squat about this huge gap between the rich and the poor. there really is no middle class.

we give and give and give. but nothing happens. why? even though corporations and churches give millions to missions and people in need, nothing changes.

perhaps the biggest reason is comfort. we, those of us at the top, have learned to give and still be comfortable. we have learned what it takes to give a little extra from our income to help someone out. we, who have so much, have learned what it means to give out of our excess. but let me ask you something, is this right?

there is a difference between giving out of excess and giving out of sacrifice. giving out of excess has no real effect on us. nothing in our life really changes - except that maybe we don't buy a drink when we go out to eat. or perhaps we take a month off from shopping for clothes. ouch. that hurts doesn't it? man we really are being generous.

sacrifice. we're called to sacrifice. we're called to suffer with others. giving out of sacrifice hurts. this means we cut our budget. this means we deny ourselves to be sure someone else has all they need. this means selling our things to be sure someone else is taken care of. this means bringing that child into our home - and not just sponsoring them and sending them a card. this means a complete and fundamental change in how we live.

we must be angry. we must be shocked. and we must move. but i am afraid we won't give - and really give - until we're shocked into it. we must let this fester in us and cause us to lose our tempers.

Our Senses

2008-11-24T08:19:00.000-08:00

i really enjoy a challenge. in fact i thrive off it. i love it when something challenges me. i excel at the opportunity to win. i live and breathe for competition. i crave it and it fuels me.

let me give you an example. in October of 2006 I knew that I was going to be getting engaged shortly. well, to be correct, i at least hoped that i'd be getting engaged. the yes or no part was completely up to my girlfriend (now my wife). but when I went and bought that engagement ring in october, I told myself that i was not going to look like a fool on my wedding night. so i decided to get a gym membership and start working out. from october 2006, until september 20th or so of 2007, i worked out 2.5 hrs a day, 6 days a week. i never missed a day. not once. i ran anywhere between 20 and 30 miles a week and lifted like crazy. i went from 210 lbs and 21% body fat, to 175 and about 14-16% body fat. i did not settle for less. i made a goal and i saw it through. i was religious and psychotic about it. i had to be. it had to be all or nothing.

but after one year of marriage i find myself settling for less. i find myself being ok with getting in the gym three times a week and just doing a little bit of weights. and the crazy thing is, when I get in, i feel ok with that. when I put in my 3 or 4 hours a week, i convince myself i've done what i need to do. yet deep inside i've developed this deep dissatisfaction with myself. i become more and more angered with my lifestyle that i continually sell myself short and don't give myself what i need. why do i sell myself short?

i seem to have this problem in life. i find that i often sell myself short in many areas. let me give you another example.

i first went to college for the challenge. i wanted to grow and learn and be prepared for my future - whatever God may bring my way. so i decided to major in business and in missions. i knew that God would want to take me into a journey of ministry and eventually that journey would probably send us overseas. so that is why the missions part was there. the business part was that i wanted the challenge and wanted to expand my horizons. but after a year of college i just decided to drop all that and do a basic religion degree because that was what made the most sense. i am still not sure why I made that decision. honestly, i did it because it was the easiest for me to do. i knew the courses wouldn't be difficult. the major made the most sense. i convinced myself, "get in, get your degree, and get out." and now I sit with a degree that is pretty much useless. why did I sell myself short? i didn't get the true educational experience. i wanted to convince myself that I had the full experience. why didn't i just go for the real thing?

i've been thinking and reflecting about this a lot lately. that is, my problem of selling myself short. and i see this problem arise more and more with the church. let me show you how.

i heard just recently of a pastor talking about his church and their vision. he was discussing their plans of starting new churches and spreading the gospel. and his words struck a chord within me. he was saying how they want to spread out and small so that people feel more comfortable. he said, "leaders like big churches. people like small." and obviously he's referring to intimacy. smaller means more intimacy. but what bothered me was when he said this: "we want to develop these smaller type churches so that the people begin to develop a sense of community." now at face value is sounds great, right? but why do we need to coerce people into thinking their is community? why do we settle for less? why not teach people how to actively engage in community? why not demonstrate what community is? i think it is because we're not willing to put into it what it deserves. you can't get people showing up one hour a week and think that community is going to form. just because it is 150 people and not 700 people doesn't mean community is going to happen. why settle for a sense of community?

let me give you another area where we've sold ourselves short because of our "senses."

christians and churches are terrified of transformation. have you noticed this? we talk about transformation but we do nothing about it. we talk about how we want to see our cities changed and the kingdom of God to sweep across them - but nothing happens. have you noticed this? i have. i've noticed how people have been ok with mediocrity. christians have been ok with things stay the same. rather than go downtown and minister to those in need, we give our church a check to supply the salvation army with more clothes. and the funny thing is, we feel like we're being such a blessing. in fact, both parties feel satisfied. the rich christians feel good because they are giving and the poor feel good because they are getting fed. yet - not one is being transformed. by sitting at home and giving money we're convincing ourselves that we're making a difference. but we're not. we're developing a sense of transformation - without the actual transformation.

its true though. christians and churches aren't willing to put forth the effort to do what we're commanded to do. we've settled for accepting our sense of community. we've settled for accepting our sense of transformation. i don't think we can trust our senses. because as time goes on, we're seeing that our senses are more counterfeit. wouldn't it be amazing if we truly experienced community and transformation?

what is it going to take? how long will we continue to convince ourselves we're doing what we're called to do? when we stop settling for less?

Isn't It Strange?

2008-11-19T13:25:00.000-08:00

isn't it strange how we as humans assume so much? we do. we assume a ton. we assume our team is going to win the game. we assume the car is going to work when we turn the key (well most of us assume this). we assume we're not going to get fired from our jobs. we assume there is going to be food at the grocery store. we assume there is going to be fuel at the gas station. we assume our spouse is going to look out for us. we assume our government police forces are going to protect us. we assume our friends are going to contact us.

we assume lots of things. we assume the last two slices of bread in the pantry are ours. we assume the loose change on the table is for us to use. we assume we should be first picked for the football game. we assume our loan is going to be payed in full. we assume our gift is going to be reciprocated. we assume we have the right of way. our sense of entitlement is almost sickening.

isn't it strange how we as humans think? honestly, don't we think the world owes us something? if you do think that, its how you act. its true. our sense of entitlement has grown deeper and deeper and has begun to effect us at the most fundamental and serious level: the heart level. no doubt american consumerism is force feeding the issue. crap. its freakin insane.

this ridiculous sense of entitlement is forcing us as humans to be self centered and have our worlds be all about me, me, me. you can see this truth in many various ways. the question always is, "what can I get?" or, "what's in it for me?" or, "if I do this, what will you do for me?"

isn't strange how we'll only give up our time to community service if it looks good on our college application? isn't it strange that we'll only give to the needy if it is tax deductible? isn't it strange that we'll only give out of excess? isn't it strange that we will only give to God because some preacher tells us that God will give us 7 times what we've given him? where did all this come from?

hundreds and hundreds of years ago there was a man who traveled from one country to another. he was a bad bad man though. he didn't have a job and didn't want to work, but would go from street corner to street corner stealing food from clothes from everyone he could. the man was a bum. everyone knew it. if you wouldn't let this man steal your money he would beat you and leave you for death. it was well known that this man was a murderer. finally, the people got fed up and forced him out of town. this guy had a brilliant idea though. he thought, "i'll go north to the land with the great leader. everyone knows their king is gracious and always pardons his people."

when the man got there he continued down his destructive path. he was robbing food and stealing money from people. one night the man tried to steal from a baker. when the baker resisted, the man killed him on the spot. news spread across the land and this angered the king. so the king called the man to give him his punishment. the man pleaded, "king, everyone in this area knows how gracious and compassionate you are! you are a great king! you have mercy on your people. won't you pardon me?" the king replied, "where are you from?" the man answered, "I am from the south." the king replied, "you are not part of my kingdom. i cannot pardon you."

isn't it strange to think of a king pardoning a murderer who isn't even part of his kingdom? isn't it strange to think that this man would assume he would receive mercy? it is ludicrous to think that this man could waltz into a foreign land, commit a crime, and think he'd be dealt with lightly.

i am scared, terrified, that this attitude - this heart condition - has begun to affect us at our very core. we have preached and taught people to receive Christ so that they won't go to hell. we have promised Heaven to people if they will just believe. we have drawn close to God simply to receive some benefits.

what if there was no promise of Heaven? what if Christ asked us to follow him just to make the world better? what if Christ spoke nothing of what we received? would we follow? forgiveness is not the goal. our eternal safety is not the goal. it is a perk. it is a benefit. its a bonus. but it is only given to kingdom citizens. it is only when we fully align ourselves with Christ and his kingdom, that our benefits are bestowed upon us.

isn't it strange what we assume? isn't it strange what we think we are owed? we think funny things man. isn't it strange?

Just Sitting

2008-11-17T17:11:00.000-08:00

i love sitting and relaxing. its just great. who doesn't love it, right? its so funny because often my wife will call me and ask, "what are you doing?" i'll answer her, "i'm sitting." like that answer isn't good enough, right? its like i've got to be doing something other than just sitting. something around me must be occupying my attention while I'm just "sitting." its rather funny.

i am a super busy person. i love life on the go. i love having and making plans. but after all of that I love to just lie on my couch. sundays are especially fruitful for me. there is nothing better than just lying on the couch watching the patriots play football. i think its the fact that everything else is just still. i can focus. i can concentrate. no distractions. i can reflect on everything that has been going on.

as i'm typing this post, my wife is sitting on the couch with me. clearly she is enjoying the wonderful rest that is offered to us by the couch. but as I'm sitting here writing this post about our wonderful couch, something dawned on me. what is it that is special about this couch? is it the fact that the couch is comfy? or is the fact that the two of us are just sitting together?

i've been stuck in the house for the past several days because i've been sick. i've had this combination of an eye infection and a cold/flu thing. its been a serious pain. while I enjoy resting on my couch, i hate to be stuck in my house. this morning, i looked at my wife and said, "where do you want to go today?" she laughed and said, "you are stir crazy." i said, "whats that?" she replied by telling me it means i'm sick of being in the house. this was definitely true. we decided to spend the day together in dayton. we drove about an hour and a half away to this really nice mall. it was great to get out of the house and walk around. christmas time at the mall is always fun. i especially love to go to stores like brookstone and try out every single gadget there is. at brookestone they even have this battery powered grill brush. i thought, "this is just plain lazy!" i also really like to walk around in the super huge sporting stores. its just fun.

but the most revealing part of the trip was our ride home. at the beginning of the drive home my wife and I had a stupid argument about nothing. by the middle of the trip home we had reconciled and things were much better. she fell asleep briefly and I turned off the music so she wouldn't wake up. and it was that moment in time that I enjoy so much. we weren't talking or communicating in anyway. we weren't doing anything fun or exciting. she was sleeping and I was driving. the most enjoying part of just sitting is being in her presence.

i had an interesting experience that occurred several months ago. i have always struggled to fall asleep. i'm not exactly sure why. i just can't seem to turn off my brain. i'll be laying there and just be thinking and thinking. before I know it, an hour or two will pass. i'm not stressed. i'm not fretting or worrying about anything. just thinking.

so several months ago, I'm lying in bed with one of my thinking moments. I couldn't fall asleep and I was fed up. then I thought, "God, do you want to tell me something?" i thought this was freakin brilliant. so I went into the other room and got on my knees in front of our comfy couch. i knelt there and asked, "God, what do you want to say? what do i need to hear? i'm here. i am willing to listen to you." it was at that moment that I realized God had nothing to say to me. it was at that moment that I realized God didn't want to talk with me. it was at that moment I realized God just wanted to be there with me. so I said. "Ok, God. I know you're hear." God simply wanted me to acknowledge his presence. God wanted me to know he was there.

after that I went back to bed and fell asleep. but doesn't it make you wonder? what does God want from us? does he want our jibber jabber? does he even want to talk our ear off? or does God just want us to recognize his presence? does God just want us to know he is there?

God is always with us. God is always interacting with us. he wants nothing more than us to acknowledge his presence when we're talking with people, playing games, hanging out with friends, running errands, working out, stressing out, and yes, even just sitting.

A Proper Perspective

2008-11-16T13:22:00.000-08:00

doesn't it always seem like there is something in the way? i constantly feel like there is something blocking progress. this can be a number of different things really. its different for every person, relationship, goal, and circumstance. but as humans, we are pretty gullible. aren't we? how often do we find ourselves at a stand still or even moving backwards because we keep falling for the same things.

let me give you an example. i love sports. i love NFL. i relate to football analogies very well. thursday night i was watching the patriots and the jets. well let me start off by saying that it is very difficult for me to even mention this story because the patriots lost. but I will say the win was encouraging because of how good cassel looked on the field. but several times the jets defense found themselves in a trap. the jets were super paranoid about giving up the big play so they'd bring the safeties in to help double up our wide receivers. so on numerous occasions there would be a lot of conjestion near the sidelines - and when that happened, the patriots would send kevin faulk up the middle to run a route toward the sidelines. as soon as we did that, the jets bit, and the middle of the field would be completely open. the linebacker would follow faulk to the outside and everytime cassel would just hang onto the ball and run straight up the middle. he'd grab 12 yards everytime. the jets continually fell into the temptation and as a result gave the patriots an easy first down and more.

this obviously kept the jets from moving forward. they found themselves at a stand still or even moving backwards. let me give you another example.

last week my wife and I were driving to minneapolis to visit some family. my sister-in-law and her husband live there. we left friday afternoon and got in around 2 am. when we got into wisconsin, the highway had set up this clever way of keeping cars from speeding. every 10 or 15 miles, there would be 3 sets of reflectors lined up consecutively. each set had about 15 or 20 reflectors each. the first set of reflectors were about 4 feet high and had blue and white reflectors at the top. the second set of reflectors were about 3 feet high and were red. and the third was like the first: blue and white. so it looked like this: blue/white, red, blue/white. but from a distance, they looked like the lights and details of a highway patrol car. when you drove right past them it was obvious that they were just a bunch of standing reflectors. but from 500 yards out, with your lights flashing from the distance, it resembled a cop.

every single time I approached one of these "fake cops," i would tap my brakes and would say to myself, "crap." this was instinct. i was speeding. i could hardly control this reaction. i would then drive by the reflectors and instantly feel relieved. but over and over i would fall for the same trick. every 10 or 15 miles I found myself tapping my brakes and slowing down. and then I'd drive by and think, "i fell for it again?"

how often do we continually fall for the same frauds? how often do we find ourselves falling into the same temptation over and over - only to find ourselves at some sort of a stand still or spiraling downward? i find this to be all too true with my relationship with God. God and I will be doing super well and then suddenly i find myself falling into temptation again - following a fraud that only leads me downhill. then all that work I put in with God was thrown to waste. all my discipline and time spent with God - now rubbish. all that reading in my bible, all those books i was reading, all the scripture I was studying - now worthless.

yesterday I talked briefly about perspective. i think, again, today perspective is my issue. my relationship with God is not a task. my relationship with God is not a function. it isn't, by popular opinion, a discipline. while I may utilize certain spiritual disciplines to nurture and grow my relationship - like many other relationships - it isn't a discipline itself. and whenever I view it as such - a discipline, that is - i find myself relying on my own strength. and whenever I find myself relying on my own strength, i find myself falling for the same frauds. and whenever I fall for a stupid fraud, i find myself spiraling downward.

how do we avoid this? how do we combat these things? we must shift our perspective. God wishes to be in our lives. he wants to have a friendship with us. he wants to interact and talk with God. God is not something to be done. God is someone to be with.

We Are Definitely Moving Forward

2008-11-15T20:20:00.000-08:00

for sure. things are changing. and in many ways they are changing fast. i'm not exactly sure how i feel about that. i love change. i embrace it. i like new things. i like meeting new people and seeing new places. i like experiencing new cultures. i like learning about new things. for sure things are changing.

but change can be terrifying. don't you think? i mean, really. when was the last time you had a monumental shift in your life that didn't cause you to second guess things? its easy to do, right? honestly, we can't take a 180 degree turn without really asking the question, "Is this right?"

let me give you a few examples. i've moved several times in my life. now, decisions are very easy for me. i'm pragmatic. i'm not a super spiritualist. i look at the pros and the cons and I make a decision. sure, sometimes i "fester." my dad says that sometimes I am a bit "cautious." granted. but decisions are easy. however, after several moves I have often asked myself the same question, "is this right? did i think clearly on this? what if I should have..." like dave matthews says, "don't ya ever wonder if you took a left turn instead of a right you could be somebody different..."

but you get me, right? i'm not alone in this, though. many people are in the same boat. millions in fact are experiencing the same thoughts and feelings that I am right now. i mean, seriously, have you turned on the TV? people seriously are having issues with the changes that are going on. we definitely are moving forward. is that ok with people?

as my friend says, "you never want to be 'that guy.'" i'm gonna be "that guy." like millions of others, the past several months has caused me to really think about things. the election craze has consumed me. "change we need," boasts obama. but like I said, change can be terrifying.

let me say a few things, first. i didn't support obama. but I will never put him down. the ridicule that bush received was insane. no where near what he deserved. i pray that the Lord himself with guide the very thought process that obama uses to make each and every decision that will affect you and I. but we all know that this still doesn't ease the fact that change can be seriously scarey.

i was nervous about a few things. i don't want to be a one issue voting christian like most. i'm not. i haven't been. and never will be. in fact that drives me nuts. but the freedom of choice act terrfies me. it scares me to death. literally. i cannot wrap my brain around how someone could get to this point. ok i see that there is a fundamental difference between the two types of people. i get that. it makes sense. we'll probably never agree. but still, it scares me to think about someone who could devalue the sanctity of life so much to not feel convicted about letting the survivors of a botched abortion die. craziness.

i was nervous about the economical proposals of president elect obama. now, let me be honest. i get the philosophy behind redistributing the wealth. i understand our country is seriously messed up. i understand that the rich are seriously rich and the poor are for real poor. i get that. what I don't get, however, is why we create programs that seem to cripple the poor. this is what I think redistributing the wealth does. let me give you an example. my wife and I were serving with our church, helping some homeless families. this is a fun thing for me. remember, I like new people? new cultures? new experiences? we had an interesting and revealing conversation with one of the ladies who we were serving. we were talking and she said to me, "i can't get a job, because if I get a job, the government will take my health insurance away." this is the crippling effect I think redistributing the wealth has. it becomes nothing more than a glorified welfare system. and welfare doesn't work. i don't mind giving to the poor. listen, i have a heart for the poor. i mean it, too. but my giving needs to be coupled with relationship so that transformation actually occurs. (but that topic needs its on post to be discussed thoroughly).

i had other concerns about the experience of barak and his past associations with radicals. these things really really concerned me.

so i know millions of others relate to me when I say that I'm a tid-bit nervous about the change that is ahead. i don't know what exactly is ahead. but it does make me wonder if we shouldn't have taken a left turn instead of a right.

but i think perspective is key. perspective must be taken into consideration. i've come to realize that what it says in ephesians is true. that christ is above all rule and dominion. christ is above all title given. when I have this perspective, i can trust the future of this country in God's hands. do my concerns even matter? how terrified should I really be? does obama even matter? would mccain even matter? i will pray for obama, daily, but i'm beginning to realize more and more that it matters not who our president is but who Christ is.

change is coming. hopefully it is the "change we need." i pray to the Lord that it is. for sure, it is happening. we are definitely moving forward.